What to Say When Someone Is Struggling: 30+ Best Scripts & Support Strategies

Immediate Validation: Essential Phrases for Support

Finding the right words when a friend is hurting can feel like walking through a minefield, but the most important thing to remember is that your presence matters more than your perfection. Start with these high-impact, validating phrases to lower the tension immediately:

• I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now.
• It makes complete sense that you feel this way.
• I’m here with you, and you don’t have to figure this out alone.
• That sounds incredibly heavy; thank you for trusting me with it.
• I don’t have the perfect words, but I have a listening ear.
• You are doing the best you can with a really difficult situation.
• It is okay to not be okay right now.
• I’m in your corner, today and every day.
• What you’re feeling is valid and real.
• I can see how much effort you’re putting in just to get through the day.
• I believe in you, but I also know this is exhausting.
• Whatever you need—silence, a distraction, or a vent—I’m here for it.
• I’m not going anywhere, even when things feel dark.
• That sounds so unfair; I’m so sorry.
• You don’t have to perform for me; you can just be you.

Imagine you’ve just received a text from your best friend that simply says, "I can't do this anymore." Your heart drops, your palms sweat, and you stare at the blinking cursor, terrified that the wrong reply will make things worse. This social paralysis is a natural response to caring deeply, but it’s often fueled by the 'fixer' myth—the idea that you must provide a solution. Psychology suggests that when someone is struggling, they aren't looking for a hero; they are looking for a witness. By using the phrases above, you are offering what NPR calls 'emotional hospitality,' creating a space where their pain is allowed to exist without judgment [2]. This simple act of staying present helps regulate their nervous system, as they no longer feel the burden of keeping their struggle hidden. When we name the pattern of 'struggling' without shaming it, we bridge the gap created by isolation.

The Psychology of Validation: Moving from Fixer to Supporter

The core mechanism behind effective support is psychological validation, which acts as an emotional 'off-ramp' for distress. When you validate someone, you aren't necessarily agreeing with their perspective, but you are acknowledging the reality of their internal experience. Use this comparison to understand the shift from fixing to validating:

Validation works because it reduces the person’s need to 'prove' their pain. When someone feels unheard, their brain’s amygdala remains in a state of high alert. By offering a validating response, you signal to their brain that they are safe and understood, which allows the prefrontal cortex to begin processing the situation more calmly. This is the foundation of mental health support: creating a secure attachment in the moment [1]. Remember, you aren't trying to change the emotion; you are trying to be a companion to it.

What to Text When Someone Is Struggling: 10 Low-Pressure Scripts

In our digital age, the most frequent way we check in is through a screen. However, a 'U ok?' text can often feel like a demand for a status report rather than a hand held out in the dark. To support a friend effectively via text, focus on low-pressure, high-warmth messages that don't require a long explanation. Here are 10 scripts for different digital scenarios:

• "Just checking in. No need to reply, just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you and sending love."
• "I’m heading to the store; can I drop off your favorite coffee or a snack on your porch?"
• "I saw this and thought of you—no pressure to chat, just sending a smile your way."
• "I’m here whenever you have the capacity to talk, even if it’s just to sit in silence on the phone."
• "Thinking of you today. I know things have been heavy, and I’m always in your corner."
• "You’ve been on my mind. How is your heart feeling today?"
• "Sending you a virtual hug. You’re doing a great job navigating a really tough season."
• "If you need to vent without any advice, I’m your person. Just let it out here."
• "I’m so proud of you for how you’re handling all of this. You’re incredibly resilient."
• "No words needed—just sending you some peace and strength for the day."

These messages work because they respect the 'social battery' of someone who is struggling. When we are in the thick of a crisis or depression, the cognitive load of formulating a response can be too much. By explicitly stating 'no need to reply' or offering concrete tasks (like dropping off coffee), you remove the guilt the person might feel for being 'unresponsive.' This is a form of digital 'emotional hospitality,' where you are keeping the door open without forcing them to walk through it before they are ready [3]. It builds a bridge of consistency that eventually leads to deeper connection when the fog clears.

Avoiding Toxic Positivity: How to Be Real Instead of 'Positive'

While it usually comes from a place of love, 'toxic positivity' can be deeply damaging to someone who is struggling. It is the practice of dismissing negative emotions with false optimism, such as saying 'Good vibes only' or 'Everything happens for a reason.' This can lead to the sufferer feeling ashamed for their natural human reactions. Instead, try these grounded alternatives:

• Instead of 'Look on the bright side,' try: 'It’s okay to feel disappointed and upset right now.'
• Instead of 'Everything will be fine,' try: 'This is really hard, and I’m going to be with you through it.'
• Instead of 'It could be worse,' try: 'I’m so sorry you’re going through this; it’s not fair.'
• Instead of 'Happiness is a choice,' try: 'Your feelings are valid, even the painful ones.'
• Instead of 'Don’t think about it,' try: 'I’m here to listen whenever you’re ready to process this.'

Toxic positivity acts as a barrier to true intimacy. When we force optimism, we are often unconsciously trying to manage our own discomfort with the other person's pain. By pivoting to grounded empathy, we allow the person to be honest about their reality. This honesty is the prerequisite for healing. When someone feels they have to 'mask' their struggle to keep their friends comfortable, the isolation only deepens. Real support means being brave enough to sit in the 'un-fine' moments without trying to rush the other person toward a smile. It is about honoring the full spectrum of the human experience.

The Marathon of Care: Supporting Someone Long-Term

Long-term support is a marathon, not a sprint. When someone is struggling with ongoing mental health issues or a prolonged crisis, the initial 'check-ins' often fade away, leaving them feeling more alone than ever. To be a 'Supportive Rock,' you need to integrate care into the rhythm of your friendship. Consider these 10 scripts for long-term support:

• "I know it’s been a few weeks, and I’m still here for you. How are things shifting for you?"
• "I don't expect you to be 'back to normal.' I love you exactly as you are right now."
• "What is one small thing I can do this week to make your life 1% easier?"
• "I’m coming over to do your dishes—don't worry about entertaining me, I’m just there to help."
• "I remember you mentioned [specific struggle] last week. How has that been weighing on you lately?"
• "You don't have to talk about the heavy stuff with me if you don't want to; we can just watch a movie."
• "I’m so impressed by your strength, but remember it’s okay to rest and lean on me too."
• "Is there a specific time of day that feels hardest for you? I’d love to check in then."
• "I’m still here, and I’m not tired of hearing your story. Tell me as much as you need to."
• "Let’s get some fresh air together—no deep talk required unless you want it."

The key here is consistency. Many people show up for the 'funeral' but disappear during the 'grief.' By being the person who continues to ask 'How are you coping?' months after the initial event, you provide a rare and valuable form of safety. This approach respects the fact that recovery and processing don't happen on a linear timeline. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by how to best support your friend, remember you can always explore these scenarios in a safe, guided environment like Squad Chat to find the perfect words for your unique situation.

Safety & Boundaries: When to Suggest Professional Help

Finally, part of being a good supporter is knowing where your role ends and professional help begins. You cannot be someone's therapist, and attempting to do so can lead to burnout for you and inadequate care for them. It is important to look for 'red flags' that indicate a need for higher-level intervention.

• Expressing thoughts of self-harm or ending their life.
• A significant inability to perform basic daily tasks (eating, hygiene, work).
• Withdrawal from all social contact and refusal to engage.
• Increasingly risky behavior or substance use as a coping mechanism.
• Persistent feelings of hopelessness that do not lift with support.

When you notice these signs, the most empathetic thing you can do is help them transition to professional care. You might say, "I love you so much, and I want to make sure you have the best support possible. Have you thought about talking to a professional? I can help you find someone or even drive you to an appointment." This isn't a 'hand-off'; it is a 'hand-up.' It ensures that the person receives the clinical tools they need while you continue to provide the emotional hospitality that only a friend can offer. Setting these boundaries preserves your own mental health, allowing you to remain a sustainable source of support in the long run. If you are ever unsure, remember that crisis lines are available 24/7 for both the person struggling and those trying to help them.

FAQ

1. What to say when someone says they aren't okay?

When someone says they are struggling, the most important thing is to offer validation rather than solutions. Start by saying, 'I am so sorry you are going through this, and I am here for you.' Avoid the urge to fix the problem immediately, as this can make the person feel unheard. Instead, practice active listening and ask open-ended questions like 'What has this been like for you?' to encourage them to share their experience in a safe space.

2. How to check in on a friend struggling with mental health?

To check in on a friend's mental health effectively, use a 'low-pressure' approach. Text them something like, 'I've been thinking about you and wanted to send some love. No need to reply, but I'm in your corner.' This removes the burden of social obligation while still letting them know they are seen. Consistency is key; checking in once a week can mean more than a single long conversation followed by weeks of silence.

3. What to text a friend who is going through a hard time?

When texting a friend going through a hard time, focus on short, supportive messages that offer concrete help. Instead of asking 'Let me know if you need anything,' try 'I'm picking up takeout, can I drop some off at your house?' or 'I'm here to listen if you need to vent tonight.' These specific offers are easier for a struggling person to accept than vague invitations for help.

4. What not to say to someone who is depressed?

Avoid using toxic positivity or minimizing their experience. Phrases like 'Everything happens for a reason,' 'It could be worse,' or 'Just try to be positive' can feel dismissive and increase their feelings of shame. Instead, focus on validating their pain by saying, 'I can't imagine how hard this is, but I'm here to sit in the dark with you.'

5. How can I support someone without being overbearing?

Support someone without being overbearing by following their lead and offering 'optional' support. State clearly that there is 'no pressure to respond' and that you are happy to provide whatever they need—whether that's a distraction, a listening ear, or just quiet company. Respecting their boundaries and social battery shows that you value their comfort over your need to 'help.'

6. What are some words of encouragement for a friend?

Effective words of encouragement focus on the person's strength and your belief in them. Try, 'I know things are incredibly heavy right now, but I've seen you navigate hard things before, and I believe in your resilience.' Or, 'You are doing the best you can with a very difficult situation, and that is enough.' Remind them that they aren't alone and that their worth isn't tied to their productivity or mood.

7. How do you tell someone you are there for them?

The best way to tell someone you are there for them is through consistent action and clear statements. Say, 'I want you to know that I am in your corner, and I’m not going anywhere, even when things feel dark.' Follow this up by continuing to reach out and offering specific, small acts of kindness that prove your commitment to the friendship.

8. How to validate someone's feelings effectively?

To validate someone's feelings effectively, mirror their emotions back to them without judgment. If they say they are overwhelmed, you might say, 'It makes complete sense that you feel overwhelmed given everything on your plate.' This confirms that their internal experience is a reasonable response to their circumstances, which helps lower their emotional distress.

9. What to say to someone who is burnt out?

When someone is burnt out, acknowledge the sheer exhaustion they are facing. Say, 'It sounds like you have been carrying an impossible load for way too long.' Avoid giving them a 'to-do' list of self-care. Instead, offer to take something off their plate, like running an errand or helping with a chore, to provide actual physical and mental relief.

10. How to help a friend who won't open up?

If a friend won't open up, don't push them, but remain present. You can say, 'I can tell you're going through a lot, and I'm here whenever you're ready to talk. Until then, I'm just happy to spend time with you.' Sometimes, just 'being there' in silence is the most supportive thing you can do, as it shows that your friendship isn't dependent on them being 'entertaining' or 'open.'

References

twloha.com — What to Say to Someone Struggling With Mental Health

npr.org — To help someone going through a crisis, use these 7 words

supportiv.com — 15 Things You Can Say To A Friend Who's Struggling