The Slack Message That Sets the World on Fire
It starts with a simple notification. A Slack message from your manager that reads, "Hey, do you have five minutes to chat?" For most, it is a minor interruption. For you, it is a physical blow to the chest. Your heart rate spikes, your palms go clammy, and suddenly, the last three months of hard work vanish behind a fog of impending doom. This isn't just workplace jitters; it is the visceral experience of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), a common accompaniment to neurodivergence that makes professional feedback feel like a personal execution.
Managing RSD at work requires recognizing that your nervous system is essentially a high-gain amplifier. When a colleague offers a minor correction, your internal speakers don't just hum—they scream. To thrive in a corporate environment, you don't need to 'fix' your sensitivity; you need to build a strategic buffer between the stimulus and your response.The Post-Feedback Spiral: Stop the Freefall
When you are hit with unexpected critique, your brain enters survival mode. You might feel the urge to argue, over-explain, or even slip into impulsive quitting RSD where you'd rather resign than face the perceived shame. As your social strategist, I’m telling you: the move here is the 'Strategic Delay.'
First, do not respond immediately to digital feedback. If you are in a live meeting and feel the heat rising in your neck, use this script: 'I hear what you’re saying. I want to give this the thoughtful consideration it deserves—can I circle back to you in two hours after I’ve processed the details?' This isn't avoidance; it’s power. You are reclaiming the timeline.
Second, manage the physiological spike. Drink ice-cold water or step into a bathroom to run cold water over your wrists. This resets the vagus nerve. Once the 'threat' level drops, you can look at the constructive criticism as data points rather than character judgments. Your professional boundaries are your armor; use them to keep the feedback on the spreadsheet and out of your heart.
To move from survival to clarity, we must bridge the gap between how a message is sent and how it is felt. Understanding the mechanics of your perception allows you to dismantle the 'failure' narrative before it takes root.
The bridge between a boss's comment and your emotional reaction is often paved with cognitive distortions. To stop the spiral, we need to analyze the filter through which you view your professional identity.
Interpreting Feedback Without the Filter
Let’s look at the underlying pattern here. When you have RSD, your brain performs a 'totalizing' maneuver. If a slide deck is messy, your brain concludes that you are incompetent. This is a logical fallacy. Managing RSD at work involves detaching self-worth from work products. Your output is a service you provide, not a mirror of your soul.
You likely experience a feedback processing delay, where the emotional sting hits instantly, but the logical utility of the advice doesn't arrive for 24 to 48 hours. Give yourself permission to be 'under construction' during that window.
The Permission Slip: You have permission to be a high-performer who still feels sensitive. Your sensitivity is often the source of your attention to detail and empathy; you do not have to apologize for the 'tax' that comes with those gifts. This isn't random; it's a neurobiological cycle. Name it, observe it, and wait for the logic to catch up to the feeling.Before we move into action, we must address the structural reality of your environment. Strategy and reframing are internal tools, but sometimes the workplace itself needs to be adjusted to support your success.
Once you have stabilized your internal narrative, the final step is to advocate for an environment that minimizes unnecessary triggers while maximizing your professional growth.
Knowing When to Ask for Accommodations
Let’s perform some reality surgery: Performance review anxiety won't disappear just because you 'meditate more.' If your manager has a habit of dropping 'we need to talk' bombs on Friday afternoons, that is a bad management style that actively sabotages your productivity. It is time to stop being a victim of office politics and start setting terms.
You are entitled to workplace accommodations adhd-related or otherwise that help you function. You don't even have to disclose a diagnosis if you don't want to. Use 'The Fact Sheet' approach.
Fact: Surprise feedback causes you to freeze. Solution: Ask for a standing rule that feedback is delivered in writing 24 hours before a meeting. This allows you to process the 'sting' in private so you can show up to the meeting ready to problem-solve.
Fact: Vague praise followed by sudden critique is confusing. Solution: Request clear KPIs and weekly micro-check-ins. Managing RSD at work is significantly easier when there are no 'shame-surprises.' If they want your best work, they need to provide the best environment for your brain. Period.
FAQ
1. What is the best way to handle a sudden 'we need to talk' message?
Immediately ask for an agenda or context. Say, 'Happy to chat. Could you share a quick bullet point on what we'll be covering so I can come prepared?' This reduces the 'imagination gap' where RSD thrives.
2. Should I tell my boss I have RSD?
You aren't required to use the medical term. Instead, frame it as a 'communication preference.' Explain that you process information most effectively when it's provided in writing first, as it allows you to be more analytical during the follow-up discussion.
3. How do I stop feeling like I'm about to be fired after one mistake?
Keep a 'Win Folder.' Every time you get a thank-you email or complete a project, save it. When the RSD spiral starts, look at the folder. It provides objective, historical evidence that counters the temporary feeling of failure.
References
forbes.com — Managing Rejection Sensitivity in the Workplace
en.wikipedia.org — Understanding Constructive Criticism