The Quiet Emptiness of 'Making It'
You get the notification. The promotion, the bonus, the client payment you’ve been chasing for months finally hits your account. There's a brief, electric jolt—a feeling of arrival. You imagined this moment would feel like a finish line, a permanent upgrade to your baseline happiness. But by dinner time, the feeling is already fading. The number in your bank account is bigger, but the feeling in your chest is… the same. Maybe even a little hollow.
This quiet disappointment is a deeply human experience, one that actor and author Ethan Hawke articulated with startling clarity in a conversation on the Joe Rogan Experience. He spoke about the illusion that money will solve our inner turmoil, a sentiment that resonated with millions because it touched on a universal truth about the often-misunderstood psychology of money and happiness.
The 'Success Trap': Why Reaching Your Goal Can Feel So Empty
Before we even break down the science, let's sit with that feeling for a moment. It’s okay if achieving a financial goal didn't bring the lasting peace you were promised. That’s not a sign of you being ungrateful or broken. It’s a sign that you’re awake.
You were sold a powerful story: that security, respect, and joy were all items on a shelf, waiting to be purchased. But after you bought them, you found yourself in a bigger, quieter room, with the same old ghosts. Buddy is here to tell you: That wasn't a personal failure; that was your brave desire for a life of meaning bumping up against a cultural myth. You were seeking nourishment and were handed a menu instead of a meal. Acknowledging this dissonance is the first, most crucial step toward finding fulfillment in life.
Introducing the 'Hedonic Treadmill': The Science Behind Hawke's Words
That feeling of returning to your baseline emotional state, regardless of your bank account, isn't just a feeling. It’s a well-documented psychological principle. As our sense-maker Cory would explain, we need to look at the underlying pattern here. This isn't random; it's a cycle rooted in something called 'hedonic adaptation' or the 'hedonic treadmill'.
Essentially, psychology explains that humans have a remarkably stable level of happiness. Major life events, like winning the lottery or getting a huge promotion, cause a temporary spike in joy. But over time, we adapt. The new car becomes just… the car. The bigger house becomes just… the house. As the American Psychological Association notes in its research on the science of happiness, our well-being is less dependent on external circumstances than we think. This is the engine of the entire psychology of money and happiness; we keep running toward a horizon that moves with us.
This mechanism explains why Hawke argues that chasing money as the primary goal is a trap. It’s a game you can’t win because the goalposts are designed to move. The real work is in cultivating post-materialist values—joy derived not from what you own, but from who you are and what you do. So here is your permission slip from Cory: You have permission to step off the treadmill. You are allowed to define wealth on your own terms. The complicated psychology of money and happiness can be simplified once you realize the game is rigged.
How to Build a 'Rich' Life (Without a Huge Bank Account)
Understanding the treadmill is one thing; getting off it requires a strategy. Our social strategist, Pavo, approaches this not as an emotional problem, but as a resource allocation problem. If financial capital has diminishing returns on happiness, where should you invest instead? Here is the move.
Step 1: Conduct a 'Fulfillment Audit'.
For one week, track your activities and rate them on a simple scale: -1 (draining), 0 (neutral), +1 (energizing). Forget about productivity or income. The goal is to gather data on what actually fills your cup. This is about identifying your true assets, whether it’s a conversation with a friend, spending an hour on a creative project, or a walk in nature. This moves you toward an 'art for art's sake' mindset, where value is intrinsic, not monetary.
Step 2: Diversify Your 'Well-Being Portfolio'.
Your well-being, like a financial portfolio, needs diversification. Research consistently shows that the most reliable investments for long-term happiness are:
Social Connection: Strong relationships are a better predictor of a long, happy life than cholesterol levels.
Acts of Service: Helping others activates reward centers in the brain in a way that earning a bonus often doesn't.
Mastery & Flow: Engaging in activities that are challenging but achievable, where you lose track of time.
Step 3: Deploy High-EQ Scripts to Protect Your Time.
Protecting these new investments requires setting boundaries. When offered a 'great opportunity' that you know will drain your well-being portfolio, you need a script. Instead of a vague 'no,' try this: "Thank you so much for thinking of me for this. While it's an interesting opportunity, my focus right now is on projects that align with [mention your fulfillment value, e.g., 'community building' or 'creative development']. So I'll have to pass for now, but I wish you the best with it."* This is a high-status response that communicates your priorities without apology. It's a key part of managing the psychology of money and happiness in the real world.
FAQ
1. What did Ethan Hawke say about money and happiness?
Ethan Hawke discussed the common misconception that accumulating wealth leads to happiness. He argued that it's a trap, as people often discover that financial success doesn't solve their underlying anxieties or bring them lasting peace. Instead, he emphasizes finding meaning through creativity, relationships, and personal expression.
2. What is the 'hedonic treadmill'?
The hedonic treadmill, or hedonic adaptation, is a psychological theory suggesting that people repeatedly return to a relatively stable baseline level of happiness. Despite major positive or negative life events, we tend to adapt and our long-term happiness doesn't change significantly.
3. Does the psychology of money and happiness mean money is bad?
Not at all. The research doesn't suggest money is inherently bad, but rather that its ability to increase happiness has diminishing returns. Money is crucial for meeting basic needs like safety, food, and housing. However, beyond a certain point of financial security, more money does not equate to more happiness.
4. How can I find fulfillment in life without focusing on money?
Finding fulfillment often involves shifting focus from external validation (like income) to internal values. Strategies include investing time in strong social connections, engaging in meaningful work or hobbies ('flow states'), practicing gratitude, and contributing to a community or cause larger than oneself.
References
youtube.com — Ethan Hawke's Powerful Message About What Truly Matters in Life - Joe Rogan Experience
apa.org — The science of happiness - American Psychological Association