That Phrase That Stops Your Heart: 'Maybe One Day'
The words hang in the air, a strange mix of compliment and poison: “I might make you my boyfriend one day.” It’s designed to feel like a possibility, a door left tantalizingly ajar. But what it really feels like is a cage made of hope. You're left replaying the conversation, analyzing their tone, and wondering about the critical question: should I wait for someone in a relationship that doesn't even exist yet?
This isn't just about patience; it's about self-worth. You are standing at a crossroads, forced to decide between waiting for a 'maybe' that may never come, or walking away from a connection that feels powerful. This guide is here to help you make that decision not from a place of anxiety or desperation, but from a place of clarity and strength. Your future shouldn't be a backup plan.
The Pain of 'Maybe': Why Hope Can Feel Like a Cage
Let’s just sit with the feeling for a moment. Our emotional anchor, Buddy, always reminds us to validate the feeling first. It’s that jolt of hope when they text, followed by the slow, sinking disappointment when the conversation goes nowhere. It’s the low-grade anxiety of checking their social media, the knot in your stomach when you see them with other people. This emotional rollercoaster isn't your fault; it's by design.
What you're experiencing is a powerful psychological hook. You're being given just enough attention to stay invested, but not enough to feel secure. This pattern of unpredictable rewards is known in psychology as intermittent reinforcement, and it's the same principle that makes slot machines so addictive. Each small bit of validation—a late-night text, a flirty comment—is just enough to keep you pulling the lever, hoping for a jackpot of commitment that rarely pays out. It's okay that it hurts. That wasn't weakness on your part; that was your brave desire to connect being exploited by mixed signals.
Decoding the Manipulation: This Isn't a Compliment, It's Control
Feeling seen is one thing, but understanding the game is another. To move from pain to power, we have to look at this situation with cold, hard clarity. This is where our realist, Vix, steps in to perform some reality surgery.
Let’s be brutally honest. “I might make you my boyfriend one day” is not a promise. It’s a reservation. It’s a way of keeping you on the bench, interested and available, without offering any of the commitment, respect, or responsibility of a real relationship. This is a classic example of breadcrumbing. They are leading you on with emotional crumbs to keep their options open. This isn't romantic indecision; it’s one of the most common emotional manipulation signs. They get the ego boost of your attention while you carry the emotional weight of their ambiguity. You are not an option, a placeholder, or a 'maybe.' You are a person who deserves certainty. The dilemma of 'should I wait for someone in a relationship' becomes much clearer when you realize the relationship is a fantasy they are selling you.
The Action Plan for Self-Respect: How to Take Your Power Back
Seeing the dynamic for what it is—control, not care—is the first step. Now, let's turn that clarity into action. Our strategist, Pavo, believes that every situation has a power move, and in this case, the move is to reclaim your agency. You are not a passive character in their story. You are the lead in your own.
Here is your strategy to get out of this situationship and stop questioning if you should wait for someone in a relationship that isn't real.
Step 1: Define Your Non-Negotiable.
What do you need to feel respected and secure? A clear answer. A commitment to explore a relationship now, not 'one day.' Write it down. This is your boundary.
Step 2: Initiate the Clarity Conversation.
Waiting for them to bring it up is giving away your power. You need to control the timeline. Send a text to meet in person or have a phone call. This is not a texting conversation.
Step 3: Use 'The Script.'
Pavo’s rule is to never go into a negotiation without your talking points. Here is your script. It is calm, direct, and puts the focus on your needs, not their behavior:
"I really value the connection we have, and I also need to be honest about what I'm looking for. The idea of 'maybe one day' has become a source of anxiety for me, and I can't stay in a place of uncertainty anymore. I need to know if you're interested in building a committed relationship with me now. If you're not, I completely respect that, but I'll need to step back to find what I'm looking for."
Step 4: Be Prepared to Walk Away.
Their answer is your data. If they give you another 'maybe,' more excuses, or try to make you feel guilty, that is your answer. The answer is no. Walking away isn't a failure; it's the ultimate act of setting boundaries for self-respect. It's you choosing yourself over the possibility of them.
The Choice Is Yours: From Waiting in Line to Walking Your Own Path
In the end, the question of should I wait for someone in a relationship boils down to a simpler one: are you willing to put your life on hold for someone who is only offering you a 'maybe'? The anxiety of waiting, the pain of mixed signals, and the slow erosion of your self-esteem are a high price to pay for a future that isn't guaranteed.
Choosing to demand clarity or walk away is terrifying. It means closing a door you desperately wanted to walk through. But it also means opening every other door in the world—doors that lead to people who are sure about you, who offer you clarity instead of confusion, and who would never dream of putting you on a waiting list. Your emotional energy is your most valuable resource. It's time to invest it in someone who offers a definitive 'yes'.
FAQ
1. What is breadcrumbing in dating?
Breadcrumbing is a dating trend where a person gives someone just enough attention (the 'crumbs') to keep them interested and emotionally invested, without any intention of committing to a real relationship. It involves inconsistent, low-effort communication like occasional texts or social media likes.
2. How do you know if you are being emotionally manipulated?
Signs of emotional manipulation often include feeling consistently confused, anxious, or guilty in the relationship. The other person may use vague promises about the future, give you intermittent attention to keep you hooked, and make you feel responsible for their indecisiveness.
3. How do I get out of a situationship?
Getting out of a situationship requires setting clear boundaries. First, define what you want and need from a relationship. Then, have a direct conversation to ask for clarity. If the other person cannot or will not meet your needs for commitment, you must be prepared to walk away to protect your emotional well-being and self-respect.
4. Why does getting mixed signals from someone feel so addictive?
Mixed signals create a cycle of intermittent reinforcement. The unpredictable nature of their attention—sometimes warm, sometimes distant—creates a powerful psychological hook. Your brain gets a dopamine hit from the unexpected rewards, making you crave their validation and keeping you stuck in a cycle of hope and disappointment.
References
en.wikipedia.org — Intermittent reinforcement - Wikipedia
psychologytoday.com — Are You Being Breadcrumbed?