Welcome to the Overthinking Olympics: Why This Stage Is So Hard
It’s 11 PM. Your thumb is hovering over the keyboard, drafting and deleting the same text for the tenth time. The three little dots appeared, then vanished. Now, silence. Every minute that ticks by feels like an hour, and your brain has already written three different endings to this story—none of them good. If this scene feels painfully familiar, take a deep breath. You’re not broken; you’re just in the 'talking stage.'
This phase is a unique form of psychological torment. It’s a high-stakes audition where you don’t know the part you’re playing, the lines you’re supposed to say, or when the casting director will even show up. As our emotional anchor Buddy would say, “That feeling isn't proof of your insecurity; it's proof of your courage to be vulnerable.” The profound discomfort you feel is a direct response to ambiguity. Our brains are wired to seek patterns and certainty. When we don't have them, they create stories to fill the void, often defaulting to worst-case scenarios. This isn't a personal failing; it's a feature of human cognition designed to protect us from potential threats, even if that 'threat' is just being left on read.
The anxiety during talking stage of dating is magnified because the stakes feel incredibly high while the rules are completely undefined. You're trying to showcase the best version of yourself without any feedback on whether it's working. This period of profound uncertainty can be more stressful than a defined relationship because, in a relationship, you have a baseline of commitment. Here, you have nothing but a flickering hope, which is why the early dating advice often feels so useless. The immense pressure comes from trying to build something solid on shifting sand, leading to the classic `overthinking texts` marathon.
A Narrative Bridge to Clarity
Feeling seen and validated in this chaos is the first step. It’s crucial to know that your racing heart is a normal response to an abnormal situation. But to move beyond feeling stuck in the anxiety, we need to bring in a sharper lens. We need to learn how to distinguish between the stories our anxiety tells us and the cold, hard data in front of us. This is where we need our realist, Vix, to help us perform some reality surgery.
Red Flag or Red Herring? How to Spot Real Issues vs. Your Own Anxiety
Alright, let's get real. Your anxiety is a brilliant storyteller, but a terrible detective. As Vix would cut in, “He didn’t ‘get busy and forget to text.’ He prioritized something else. The question is whether that's a pattern or a one-off.” We need to separate observable facts from emotional interpretations.
Here’s the Vix-approved fact sheet:
Anxious Interpretation (Red Herring): “He used a period at the end of his text. He’s mad at me.”
Observable Fact: He used punctuation. That’s it. You cannot infer tone from a dot.
Anxious Interpretation (Red Herring): “She saw my story on Instagram but hasn't replied to my text from an hour ago. It's over.”
Observable Fact: She engaged with one app and not another. People multitask and have different communication rhythms.
Now, let's talk about actual `red flags in early dating`. These aren't feelings; they are patterns of behavior. A real red flag is a consistent mismatch between words and actions. He says he wants to see you but never makes a concrete plan. She says she’s interested, but only texts you after 10 PM. These are data points that suggest you're being placed in a box of convenience. The `fear of being ghosted` is valid, but it becomes paralyzing when you treat every delayed reply as a prelude to abandonment. The genuine red flag isn't silence; it's a pattern of inconsistency that keeps you in a state of perpetual `anxiety during talking stage of dating`.
A Narrative Bridge to Action
Sorting facts from feelings is empowering. It stops the spiral. But knowledge without action is just a more sophisticated form of anxiety. Now that you can see the board more clearly, you need a strategy to make your next move. It’s time to shift from passive analysis to active self-preservation. Let's bring in our strategist, Pavo, to give you a concrete playbook.
The 'Chill Out' Playbook: 3 Rules to Reclaim Your Sanity
Emotion is not a strategy. To navigate the anxiety during talking stage of dating, you need a clear, simple set of rules. As Pavo insists, “Your peace of mind is the primary asset you need to protect.” Here is the game plan to stop overthinking and start living.
1. The Mirroring Rule: Match, Don't Initiate... At First.
This isn't about playing games; it's about gathering data. For a short period, mirror their communication frequency and initiation. If they text you once a day, you text them once a day. This answers the question of `how often should you communicate in the talking stage` by letting them show you their level of interest. If you're always the one pushing the conversation forward, you're creating an artificial connection. Mirroring reveals their true baseline of effort.
2. The Data Collection Rule: You are a Scientist, Not a Screenwriter.
Your goal right now is not to fall in love. It is to determine if this person is compatible with you. Approach every interaction as a chance to collect data. Do they ask you questions? Are they consistent? Do their values align with yours? This mindset is key to `managing expectations in a new relationship`. When you focus on gathering information instead of building a fantasy, you become less invested in a specific outcome and more invested in making a smart decision. It’s the fastest way `how to not get attached too quickly`.
3. The Abundance Rule: Your Life is the Main Event.
The most powerful antidote to dating anxiety is a full, engaging life. The person you're talking to should be a supplement to your happiness, not the source of it. Schedule things with friends. Dive into a project. Go to the gym. The less available you are, not as a tactic but as a genuine reflection of your busy life, the less mental real estate you'll have for overthinking. This isn't just `early dating advice`; it's life advice.
The Goal Isn't the Relationship; It's Your Peace
Let's bring it back to where we started: you, feeling that familiar knot of anxiety in your stomach. The talking stage is a crucible. It’s designed to test your sense of self-worth. The ultimate goal here isn't to 'win' the person or secure a relationship at all costs. The goal is to get through it with your dignity and sanity intact.
The `anxiety during talking stage of dating` feels so potent because it taps into our most fundamental fear: Am I worthy of being chosen? The truth is, your worth is non-negotiable. It was never on the table. By understanding the psychology of uncertainty, separating fact from fear, and executing a strategy that protects your peace, you reclaim your power. You stop being a passive participant waiting for a text and become an active architect of your own emotional well-being. And that's a foundation no amount of ghosting can ever shake.
FAQ
1. Is it normal to have so much anxiety in the early stages of dating?
Yes, it is completely normal. The 'talking stage' is characterized by high levels of uncertainty and ambiguity. Our brains are wired to find patterns and feel secure, so the lack of clear rules, commitment, or feedback in early dating naturally triggers anxiety, overthinking, and a fear of rejection.
2. How often should you text in the talking stage?
There's no single magic number, but a good strategy is to mirror their energy and frequency, especially at the beginning. This allows you to gauge their genuine interest level without creating an artificial sense of connection by always initiating. Pay attention to the quality and consistency of communication, not just the quantity.
3. How do you stop overthinking and getting attached too quickly?
To stop overthinking, shift your mindset from 'screenwriter' to 'scientist'—focus on gathering data about their character, not creating a fantasy. To avoid getting attached too quickly, practice the 'Abundance Rule': fill your life with hobbies, friends, and even conversations with other potential dates. The more your self-worth is tied to your own full life, the less power one person's texting habits will have over you.
References
psychologytoday.com — Why Is the Beginning of a Relationship So Hard? | Psychology Today
en.wikipedia.org — Uncertainty - Wikipedia
youtube.com — Stop Overthinking In The Early Stages Of Dating - YouTube