The 2 AM Scroll of Doom
It's late. The blue light from your phone illuminates a room that feels simultaneously too small and too empty. You’re scrolling, a silent witness to a parade of engagements, promotions, and sun-drenched vacations. A friend from college just bought a house. Someone from your first job is launching a startup. And you? You’re in the same apartment, nursing a familiar cocktail of stale coffee and existential dread.
This is the quiet, isolating theater of feeling lost in your 20s. It’s a gnawing sense that you took a wrong turn somewhere, that everyone else got a manual for life that you never received. The pressure mounts with every swipe, a phenomenon of social media comparison and anxiety that leaves you feeling profoundly behind in life compared to peers. If you’re asking yourself what to do during a quarter life crisis, the first step is to know you are standing on very common ground.
You're Not Broken, You're Breaking Through: Why This 'Crisis' Is Normal
Let’s take a deep, collective breath. That knot of anxiety in your chest? That feeling of being stuck? It’s not a personal failure. Our emotional anchor, Buddy, would wrap a warm blanket around you and say, “This isn’t a sign that you’re broken; it’s a sign that you’re growing.” This period of intense questioning is a well-documented developmental stage.
Psychologists identify the quarter-life crisis as a period, typically between your early 20s and mid-30s, marked by instability and exploration. The common quarter life crisis symptoms include feeling trapped in a job or relationship, intense career anxiety, and a deep-seated identity confusion. You’ve followed the rules, checked the boxes, and now you’re looking at the life you’ve built and asking, 'Is this it?'
This isn't just you. It's an entire generation navigating a world of immense pressure and endless choice. The feeling of existential dread in young adults is a flare sent up by your soul, signaling that the old map no longer works. And that’s okay. It’s the first step toward drawing a new one.
Deconstructing the 'Shoulds': Identifying Whose Life You're Living
Our sense-maker, Cory, encourages us to look at the underlying patterns. He’d gently ask, “Let’s separate the signal from the noise. Are the goals you’re chasing truly yours, or are they echoes of someone else’s expectations?” The core of figuring out what to do during a quarter life crisis is an audit of your 'shoulds'.
'I should be promoted by now.' 'I should be in a serious relationship.' 'I should have it all figured out.' Where did these directives come from? For many, they are a composite sketch of parental expectations, societal pressure, and the highlight reels we see online. Your journey to figure out your life begins with untangling your authentic desires from these inherited ambitions.
This isn't about blame; it's about awareness. The path you've been on might have been perfect for the person you were at 18, but it may not fit the person you are becoming. Cory offers a permission slip for this moment: “You have permission to grieve the life you thought you ‘should’ have, in order to make space for the life that is truly waiting for you.”
The Exploration Phase: A Practical Guide to Finding Your Way Forward
Once you’ve identified the dissonance, it’s time for strategy. Our pragmatist, Pavo, believes that clarity comes from action, not just thought. But action doesn't have to mean blowing up your life. It means running small, low-stakes experiments to gather data on what actually resonates with you. This is how you tackle what to do during a quarter life crisis with intention.
Step 1: The 'Curiosity Audit'
For one week, list everything that piques your interest, no matter how small or random. A podcast on urban gardening? A documentary about coding? The design of a local coffee shop? This isn't about finding a new career; it's about reconnecting with your natural curiosity.
Step 2: The 'Low-Stakes Experiment'
Pick one item from your audit and invest a small amount of time or money into it. Don’t enroll in a $10,000 bootcamp. Buy a $15 online course. Don't start a whole business; offer to help a friend with a relevant project for free. This approach is perfect for exploring changing careers at 25 without massive risk.
Step 3: The 'Informational Interview'
Find someone who is doing something you find interesting and ask them for 15 minutes of their time. People love talking about their work. Pavo’s script for this is direct and respectful: “Hi [Name], I’m currently exploring different career paths and I deeply admire the work you’ve done in [Field]. Would you have 15 minutes in the coming weeks for a brief call so I could learn more about your journey? I’m happy to work completely around your schedule.”
This strategic exploration turns overwhelming career anxiety into a manageable project. Each small step provides a piece of the puzzle, helping you understand how to figure out your life by doing, not just worrying.
FAQ
1. What are the main symptoms of a quarter life crisis?
Common symptoms include feeling trapped or 'stuck' in your current life path, significant anxiety about your career and future, confusion about your identity, and a persistent feeling of being 'behind' your peers. It often involves questioning major life choices made in your late teens and early twenties.
2. Is it normal to feel lost and anxious in my 20s?
Absolutely. Feeling lost in your 20s is an extremely common developmental stage. It's a period of transition where you move from the structured paths of education to the ambiguity of adult life, forcing you to define your own values, identity, and goals for the first time.
3. How do I start figuring out what to do during a quarter life crisis?
Start small. Instead of trying to find the 'perfect' career, focus on exploration. Conduct a 'curiosity audit' to see what interests you, run low-stakes experiments like taking a short online class, and talk to people in fields that seem interesting. Action, even small action, builds clarity.
4. Can changing careers at 25 be a good thing?
Yes, it can be a very positive and healthy decision. Your 20s are an ideal time to pivot, as you have time to learn new skills and grow. Changing careers is not a sign of failure, but rather a sign of self-awareness and courage to align your work with your evolving values.
References
psychologytoday.com — It's a Quarter-Life Crisis